West Side Wine

I see a lot of wine salespeople in my shop, and they’re all a lot younger than me.  That doesn’t bother me because, frankly, I don’t spend that much time thinking about how old I am.  It never meant much to me.  But today I drew the line.  The first guy comes in, we taste some wine, and he asks me if he can come back in a few days to taste me on a number of wines made by a guy named Fess Parker.  Now, for you youngsters out there, Fess Parker in his former life was a famous actor. We’re talking the 50’s.  He played a chararcter named Davey Crockett on TV, and was extremely popular. As kids, we all had a replica of his coonskin hat and wore it whenever the show came on.  Lame?  Maybe in hindsight. But hell, we were kids. 

So this guys proceeds to tell me that the number of people who recognize Fess Parker’s name is “rapidly diminishing.” “Excuse me?” I respond.  “Not only do I know who he is, but I still have a pulse.” 

“Well, you know what I mean,”,he says. 

“No, not really,” I reply, having some fun watching him squirm and dig himself a deeper hole.

So, right after he leaves another young turk comes in with some wines, one of which was really quite good.  I ask him to give me some background on it.

“It’s a very lovely, quaint story,” he says. “An older couple, you know in their early 60’s, decided to change their lives and become winemakers.”  Wham!  Another assault on the “old folks”.   I told him the Davey Crockett story and informed him that “quaint” wasn’t a word that should be used in referring to folks in that age group.  To his credit, he and I  just cracked up at the juxtaposition of the two incidents, and I’m going to buy the lovely quaint wine anyway.  I will enjoy it on my rocking chair.

I love it when this happens. A young, rather arrogant gentleman walks into the store with a WSW bag containing a bottle of wine. No hello, no pleasantries. He simply walks up to me, slams the bottle on the counter and says, “I purchased this bottle of wine yesterday and it’s ‘corked’!” 

Now, I don’t have a problem with exchanging any bottle of wine that is in some way not right. It happens. So I remove the bottle from the bag in order to taste it for myself. As I look at the bottle and start to unscrew the cap….you know where I’m going with this.

So I  informed him in, my inimitable fashion, that in order for a wine to be corked, it needs a cork. Oops.  You could see the arrogance melt away and humiliation taking its place.  I gave him the courtesy of tasting the wine, and told him that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.  But he was in up to his neck and he wasn’t going to back down.  “Well, I find this wine unsatisfactory,” was his response.  

Okaaay.  Now we were into the face saving mode, and this was becoming a no-win situation. But I had to get another shot in.  “This is a fantastic Zinfandel, but maybe the grape isn’t for you. And by the way, in the future, here’s what you should be looking for in a corked wine, besides a cork.”  I proceeded to give him a “Corked 101″ lesson, along with half  his money back (stupid, I know, but the embarrassment was worth it) and sent him on his way.  The two people that were standing there waiting to pay had a lot of fun with it, so I ended up getting my money’s worth.

Word to the wise:  If you think something’s wrong with a wine, just say “I’m not sure, is there something wrong with this wine?”  That will get you a lot more than a red face and some snickering. 

Cheers.

Okay, so this couple (man and woman) comes in the other day and immediately goes to the back of the store, just like everyone else does (don’t ask me why, human nature I guess.)  They ignore my offer to give them some help should they need any.  Twenty minutes later, they’ve slowly worked their way to the front.  Finally after conferring with each other, the woman approaches me and says, “What kind of place is this? I know it’s a wine shop but I don’t recognize a single wine. I’ve never had this happen to me before, and it’s really weird.”  

“Really?” I reply.  That’s fantastic!  You’ve just made me very happy.” 

She peered around me in search of my second head and whined,  ”But you don’t understand!  Where are wines I know like (blank) and (blank) and (blank)?”  

I smiled.  ”We don’t sell (blank) and (blank) and (blank) because any nit-wit can sell them.  Besides, that’s not selling, that’s just putting something  on the shelf and letting it sell itself because everyone knows it.  Not fun. Not good wine.  Not this store. ” 

She continued to stare at me.  ”But aren’t you supposed to sell wines that people know and like?  Isn’t that why you’re in business?” 

 ”People do like these wines once they’ve tried them,” I explained. They just don’t know them at first.   They trust me to introduce them.  If you want (blank) and (blank) and (blank) I’d be happy to direct you another place that sells that stuff.” 

She just shook her head. “I’ve got to think this over,” she muttered, and then they left, dazed and confused.  I hope they didn’t wander into traffic or anything. 

I get this a lot.  But you know, where’s the fun in giving folks what they already know?  The couple never returned.  I sure hope that they found their (blank) or (blank) or (blank).  No doubt, they did.  Their loss. 

Hey, out there!  It’s a new year!  A new decade!  Try something out of the ordinary!  Life’s short, live it.

I know you’ve already got your list of the usual suspects,  but here are a couple more (just two!) that are wine-related.  While this seems self-serving, I’m doing this for your own good.  You’ll thank me down the road.

Resolution #1: Open your mind, forget stereotypes and pre-conceived notions, and allow yourself to enjoy some truly great wines.  I’m talking about wines from Beaujolais in France, and German, Portuguese and, yes, our beloved New York State wines to name a few.  Beaujolais is a wine (from the gamay grape) that goes so with so many different foods, is affordable, delicious, and so much more than the “holiday” version you have in mind when you here the “b” word.  Riesling is another Rodney Dangerfield of wines.  Forget those thoughts of “sweet” or “fruity” or “grandma’s wine”, and take the plunge.  Rieslings are one of food’s best friends, they’re low in alcohol, and you get a lot of wine for your buck. Know that cheap doesn’t mean bad, and Portugal should be celebrated for giving you terrific wines for ridiculously low prices.  What are you risking, eight or nine bucks?  I promise you won’t go blind.  But you will get a headache when you slap yourself in the forehead for waiting this long to try these wines.  Some of the best wines are right under your nose or just to the east and the north of you.  The Finger Lakes, the East End of Long Island and the Hudson River Valley are rocking with both reds and whites.  Gone are the days of inferior “local” wines, so embrace what these wines have evolved into.  For whatever reason you’ve avoided these or other wines, take another look at them and as always, try something new.

Resolution #2:  Ask more questions when you’re buying a bottle of wine.  Don’t be afraid to put your wine merchant to the test.  Questions like, “Is this any good?” or “Is this drinkable?” aren’t going to tell you anything about the wine — just that you won’t die drinking it.  Try an easy, fool-proof approach like “Tell me about this wine.”  That’s not so tough, and the answer will tell you a lot about not only the wine, but about who’s selling it to you.  Good information means that you’re in good hands.

So, I hope I haven’t added too much on your resolution plate.  My resolution to you is to keep coming up with fantastic wines that are great values that you’ve never heard of, and to stay in touch more.  Happy New Year, gang. And cheers.

 So, I have this blackboard in front of my store. I write on it every day.  It’s not about specials or sales or anything of that kind of stuff.  I basically write anything that comes into my head when the chalk is my hand.  It’s usually pretty off-the-wall, but I seem to have developed a following — lots of folks look forward to my daily ramblings.  Reactions range from laughter to anger to corrections of my grammar or spelling to who-knows- what. 

A who-knows-what reaction happened Wednesday. Here’s what I wrote:

I guess it must be Christmas.  They’re lighting the tree at Rockefeller Center tonight. Maybe I’ll go this year. On second thought, maybe I’ll just commit suicide instead.

Well, the neighborhood gang all got it, and laughed and gave me a big thumbs up as they passed by.  But then an earnest young women came through the door and asked to speak to the person who was contemplating suicide.  She really looked concerned.  ”Are you from New York?” I asked.  ”Do you know what it’s like at Rock Center during the tree lighting ceremony?  She had no idea, but I explained it to her and she left, relieved that she didn’t have to save me from dying at my own  hand. 

When my guardian angel was gone, a stunned customer asked if this kind of thing happened often when I write on my board.   “You have no idea who’s out there, but that’s what makes my daily board such a gas,” I told her. But come to think of it, do you think all those people who gave me a thumbs up were encouraging me to off myself? You never know.

No, as much as I’d love to have you over,  we can’t accommodate more than about a dozen guests at our house.  But if you don’t have any plans and will be in New York for Thanksgiving dinner, I would highly recommend the Beard House.  Every year they serve a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner with a guest winemaker serving his or her wines. 

For the second year in a row, Tony Coturri of Coturri Winery will be that guest winemaker. He’ll be pouring some fabulous stuff, including his North Coast 2008 Rosé. If you missed out this summer, here’s your chance to wrap your taste buds around one fantastic Rosé.

Totally coincidentally, I had already decided that the Coturri North Coast Rosé was going to be one of our choices for our own T-Bird fete, so I got my hands on a few of the last remaining cases.  So, check out the Beard House deal, and if you can’t make it I’ll sell you some of this precious juice along with other Coturri delights. If you didn’t know, The Beard House is the Greenwich Village brownstone that was the residence of the late James Beard, the legendary chef, cookbook author and all around famous foodie, before being a foodie was cool.  It’s a beautiful place with a garden and a fantastic dining room.  The food is always wonderful, and you get to meet a lot of interesting folks, because you’re dining at communal tables.  Check it out for T-Day or for their other offerings throughout the year.  I wish I was getting a free dinner out of this, but I’m only talking it up it because it’s a uniquely New York experience, and I love it that Tony’s wines will once again be featured with great food.  Live it up!

Usually with Summer’s end comes an end (or at least a dwindling) of the whackos who come through the door at West Side Wine. 

But this year is different. Consider the woman who came in last week and said, “I only drink white wine, but my host this evening wanted me to bring a red wine. Do you have any red wines that taste like white wine?”

Then there was the salesman who came in off the street the other day and offered me a free wall display and dispenser if I would buy some of his anti-bacterial hand soap for my customers.  I politely replied that I wasn’t interested, to which he responded, “Well, God bless you. And I hope that no one in your family gets the swine flu!”

Go figure.

Welcome back, gang. I hope that your summer was as good as ours. We did a week in Lake Tahoe with 17 of Ellen’s family members (including three kids and two teenagers) under one roof.  I know,  it sounds like a recipe for disaster, but it was great fun.  We all had a great time because they’re great folks.  Then we just got back from a Labor Day weekend wedding in Sea Island, Georgia.  If you’ve never been there, you owe it to yourself.  A truly beautiful part of these United States.

But getting back to while you were away.  While you were away, the recession did some good for you all in the world of wine prices.  Did you catch that “you all”?  I guess I was in Georgia too long. Anyway, there’s now a glut of  wine from all over the world, and a lot of winemakers and importers are dropping their prices in order to get the older vintages moving and making way for the newer ones.  And that especially goes for the higher-end stuff, like the bubbles from Champagne.  Yes, indeed, the Champagne guys are finally forced to take a big gulp and swallow their pride.  This bodes very well for your holiday celebrations. 

And the selection of excellent, very affordable everyday wines continues to expand, as distributors are finally waking up to to fact that wines well under $20 is the way to go for their survival. So the time has never been better for everyone to shop for bargains from places you never thought would have bargains, like Burgundy, Bordeaux, Tuscany, as well as those places that always were bargains.  Get thee to your favorite wine merchant and check out what’s new and exciting since you’ve been gone. 

It’s good to have you back.  We missed you.

Ah, summer.  As a retailer it’s always a mixed bag. Then throw in a “recession” and it really gets interesting.

On the positive side, it appears that more folks are sticking around and still enjoying a glass of wine or two at home. I’m not getting the deserted sidewalk/tumbleweed effect on Columbus Avenue as much as I have in the past. There have been some past summers where it looked like one of the those post apocalyptic NYC movies where there’s only one guy and his dog and a bunch of abandoned cars out there. Not so this year.

But on the other the hand, there appears to be a bit more of what Ellen and I call the “July and August people”.  These are folks who suddenly appear this time of year, and just as suddenly disappear after Labor Day. Like the guy who came in the other day with no shirt and gaffer’s tape wrapped around both ankles (serving as his socks.) Before he bought a bottle of wine he asked me what time it was.  I told him approximately what time it was, but he insisted upon knowing exactly what time it was because he had a noon meeting. I told him it was four minutes before noon, at which point he quickly purchased the wine and proceeded to the phone booth in front of West Side Wine to make a call, while putting on his shirt that had been stuffed in his back pocket. I guess that was the meeting. Hope it went well.

Then there was the guy who came in looking for an obscure gin, which I just so happen to sell. When I showed it to him he was delighted, but disappointed that I only had one bottle. He said he would come back when I had more than one, because he wanted “a fresh one right out of the box”.  I didn’t know I was in the produce business.

You get the idea about July/August people.  On the down side, along with all of those people out there there are a lot of familiar faces walking around during the day. People who normally wouldn’t be out there during a week day. Lots of friends/customers who are faced with the realities of these difficult times. I have a (literal) huge window on the world, and sometimes the view isn’t pretty.

Anyway, onward and upward. This will pass, as sure as tomorrow I’ll see my shirtless regular come in for his wine before taking a meeting.  Happy summer, gang.

What a blast we had this past weekend.  My dearest and oldest friend’s daughter got married up in the Berkshires, and along with all of her friends, a bunch of us geezers were invited as well. I got the wine assignment, naturally. BTW, two great wines that are crowd and wallet pleasers — the Barbi Aboccato Orvieto and the Monte Oton Garnacha.

Anyway, the plan was for an outdoor, open-air service, followed by dining al fresco on the front lawn of the bride’s grandfather’s house, with the sunset as our backdrop.  That was the plan.  Mother Nature had another plan (2-3″ of torrential rains in the forecast) so it was off to Plan B.  A tent was put up at the bottom of a hill, and a number of improvisations were made to accommodate the food and the bar. Okay, we could all live with that, and we all hoped that the weathermen were going to be wrong as usual. Not this time, unfortunately.  It didn’t stop downpouring from 5pm on.

So onward and upward, the ceremony begins, and it’s wonderful.  If you’ve never been to a wiccan wedding, take the opportunity if and when it comes.  It is the most natural, real, honest ceremony two people can have, and you can see where all the other religions got, or stole, their ceremonial traditions…straight from these guys.  The bride was incredibly upbeat as she and her husband-to-be shouted their vows over the rain pounding down on the tent roof.  The elements just didn’t matter to them, or to any of us.  Slowly the rain came running down the hill as the service progressed, until you could see large water masses forming on the tent floor, which was (or used to be) grass.  By the end of the night, we were all up to our ankles in mud, but it still didn’t matter.  The fun overrode the muck.  Fantastic Irish music played all night, there was dancing, singing, eating, drinking, laughing and lots of enjoying.  AND, the geezers were the there until the end, while even some of the youngsters found it too tough to hang out. Hah!  Oddly enought the worse it got meteorlogically, the more we threw ourselves into the joyousness of the event.  Some say that a deluge is the surest sign of good luck and prosperity for the newlyweds.  If that’s the case, these two will be married for a century and will hit the powerball lotto three times.  Mazel tov, guys! It was a blast.